it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
