I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
