This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
