the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize