I hate your face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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