just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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