I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
