he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
