It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
