The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
