That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
