I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
