she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
