I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to rekindle our bromance
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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