How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
