my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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