quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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