It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
