were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The ass gains better be worth it
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