I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
