i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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