I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
