I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
