Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
