I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
