Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
