My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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