I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
