You can't special order awesome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
