she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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