I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
