Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
