Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
