i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
