it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
