Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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