I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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