sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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