Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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