I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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