drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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