I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
