The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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