Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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