I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
