You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
