Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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