Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
