Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Will exercising make me less horny?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
