Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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