He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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