I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize