i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
