Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
