when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
