i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
