Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
they need to just BURY HIM!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
