i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
