I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
