hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
