I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize