what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
