Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
