Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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