i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
