Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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