watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I see more hoeing in ur future
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