Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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