Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
