At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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