I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
