I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
