God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
