Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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